


Confusion

by caterplina



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-21
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2019-01-03 18:23:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12152259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caterplina/pseuds/caterplina
Summary: Guanlin confesses to Jihoon and makes him confused.





	Confusion

**Author's Note:**

> I forced myself to finish this short fic to see if i could get over my writer's block, but I don't think it worked. I'm not happy with the end result. But I do promise to myself that I will give this ship another chance one day in the future.

Not even looking back, Lai Guanlin runs away trying to hide himself inside his big ass coat. Jihoon watches him dumbfounded, unable to say something after Guanlin’s sudden love confession. Jihoon heard the words and opened his mouth but when nothing came out, Guanlin blushed and whispered a quiet, “nevermind”.

Maybe what was most startling was seeing Guanlin become a stuttering, blushing mess in front of Jihoon. It usually never happened. Guanlin always showed a cool image, keeping quiet and laughing along with everybody but never bringing attention to himself. 

Jihoon takes a deep breath, gapes at the empty space where Guanlin was standing earlier, then marches towards his house.

The words, “I like you, hyung. I really, really like you,” ring inside Jihoon’s head, a repeated echo over and over again, to the point that all other sounds on the street are drowned. Guanlin’s voice, always so soothing and calm, used to struggling with the language, broke while he confessed. Jihoon was completely unprepared for it.

He’s also unprepared for thoughts about Guanlin as more than a friend. Confusing and scattered, these thoughts invade him, making him question if he feels the same way as Guanlin, or if he could ever feel the same as Guanlin.

Jihoon needs to call someone.

When he gets home, his fingers find Woojin amongst his contacts. He could call one of his older friends, who might have more experience in the dating department. But Woojin is the one who knows Jihoon best, as they are really similar, almost like twins.

“What’s up?” Woojin’s deep voice answers on the other side.

“I… Guanlin told me he liked me.” Jihoon stares down at his hand playing with the seam of his jeans, as he sits on the couch.

Something falls and makes a loud noise. “About time!” Woojin exclaims.

“What?” Jihoon sits up straight.

“Just ‘like’?”

“What?!”

“Did he just say he likes you?”

“Yeah… He said that he really, really likes me…” It feels embarrassing to have those words come out of his own mouth.

“Aish! That fool has been in love with you since forever!” Woojin’s thick Busan accent appears out of the blue, unable to be contained.

Jihoon would laugh, if it weren’t for the strength of what Woojin has said. “What do you mean ‘in love’?”

An exasperated sigh is heard on the other side. “Have you never noticed the way he looks at you?”

It makes Jihoon look back to his friendship with Guanlin. It’s hard to tell. “I’ve always thought it was just admiration. Nothing more.” The way Guanlin stared at him while Jihoon talked, the way he listened attentively, the random flattery about things Jihoon is good at… Jihoon thinks about it all and starts to notice the difference.

“Pfft! What’s there to admire?” Woojin snorts.

“Hey! I called you because I need emotional support, not mockery.”

“I’d be here for you, if this hadn’t been going on for years, Jihoon. He’s been in love with you from the beginning. And you’re just an oblivious piece of shit.”

Jihoon pulls the phone away from his ear to glare at it. “WOW! That’s how you treat a friend in distress…”

“I say it with love. Not like Guanlin’s love. But… you know… love.” Jihoon can imagine Woojin waving his hand around, as he says it.

“So! What should I do?” He waits in silence for an answer, trapping his upper lip with his teeth.

“You should talk to him. What did you say after his confession?”

“Nothing… It took me by surprise and he ran away.” There’s the sound of a slap. “Did you just… face palm?”

Woojin laughs. “Oh, so you can tell what I do without seeing me. But you can’t tell how Guanlin feels about you, even when you’re seeing his face.”

“You aren’t very helpful, bastard. I’ll call Daniel-hyung.” Jihoon stands up from his couch.

“What do you want me to say?” Woojin sighs again. “The only one that knows what to do is yourself. If you like him back, tell him. If you don’t, reject him. Whatever… your friendship has already changed.”

Jihoon nods, letting the advice sink in.

“You’ll be the first one to break his heart. You selfish bast‒”

Jihoon hangs up quickly. Daniel-hyung would have been a little softer with his words, but in the end he would have told him the same thing Woojin did.

Breaking Guanlin’s heart is not what he wants to do. He could never live with himself if he sees Guanlin’s big eyes with a kicked puppy look. But he can’t confess back, because there’s nothing to confess. He doesn’t like him romantically.

The fear of losing one of his friends makes him pace around his living room in thought. He doesn’t realize he’s been biting his nails until he’s munching on a bit. He spits it out, disgusted with himself.

It’s too late to go talk with Guanlin and Jihoon’s parents are back home. So he takes a deep breath before greeting his mother with a hug and gets ready for dinner. As he sets the table, he wonders if he’ll get any sleep at night or if he will lose it all going through all the possible scenarios of when he meets Guanlin in school.

 

 

 

Surprisingly, what’s most painful is seeing Guanlin act like nothing happened, yet, act like something’s changed. He doesn’t say anything to Jihoon the next morning. Really, nothing. A nod with a smile is all the greeting he gets, before Guanlin rushes to his classroom. And Jihoon will have to wait until lunchtime to get a hold of his friend.

Woojin shakes his head from his seat, where he judges Jihoon’s inability to face his problems. It’s embarrassing, but there’s not much Jihoon could have done. Guanlin didn’t even give him the chance. He ran away leaving Jihoon behind, again.

But this time, instead of confusion, what Jihoon feels is pain in his chest.

Being young, you’ll feel the word is ending, no matter how big or little the problem is. Keep a rational mind, Jihoon-ah.

Jisung told him once, and the words followed Jihoon, but he was never able to follow this advice. 

He can’t do it now. He feels something pressing on his chest that stops him from focusing on the class or the professor. He’s only mildly aware of the worried looks Woojin throws his way. His mind keeps going back to Guanlin and how much things could change if he rejects him. There’s a gnawing thought, though, that keeps telling him to date Guanlin. Just one date, to try it out.

It’s that last thought that moves his feet, as he walks towards Guanlin’s classroom, during break. He finds his friend in company of Seonho, with their heads down whispering words that are completely lost in the noise of the class. The first one to notice Jihoon standing by the door is a girl whose face Jihoon recognizes but whose name he cannot recall.

“Oh! Sunbae! What are you doing here?” Her smile is sweet and gentle. She brushes her hair prettily.

Any other day, Jihoon would bask in that attention, just for the fun of it. Drop a wink in the middle of some mindless chatter and see the effect he has on her. Today, his eyes travel back to Guanlin, who’s seen him now. With a gesture of his hand, Jihoon calls him out. The boy lifts himself up from his desk and shuffles his feet towards Jihoon, unable to look him in the eye.

“Came for Guanlin actually,” he tells the girl, winking.

She nods, not even showing jealousy or annoyance.

“Hyung? What are you doing here?” Guanlin mumbles in soft korean.

It makes Jihoon realize how ingrained Guanlin’s deep voice is in his everyday routine. And how strange it would be if Guanlin didn’t greet him in the mornings every day as he’s always done.

“We need to talk.” Guanlin’s breath hitches and his eyes open wide. Jihoon rephrases it, whispering as he takes a look around at the other students passing by. “You dropped a bomb on me and didn’t give me time to react. Let’s just talk about this, ok?” He looks back at Guanlin, who’s nodding in silence. “I’m not mad... so, don’t be scared about that. Meet me after class.” 

After a reassuring pat on Guanlin’s shoulder, he turns around as the bells rings and heads back to his class, feeling a lot calmer, and confident even. He knows he can fix this… whatever it is that needs fixing.

 

 

 

Classes end, and Jihoon finds Guanlin in the same place they’ve always met after school before each of them heads home. Despite his height, he looks small, biting his nails anxiously, bumping his shoes on the ground. It lifts a tiny cloud of dust. Jihoon can hear his groan before Guanlin bends over and dusts the dirt off his pants.

He looks cute. He’s always been cute.

“Hyung?” Guanlin notices him; then, hides his hands behind his back.

“Linie!” Jihoon coos. It makes Guanlin’s ears turn pink instantly.

Neither of them know how to start a conversation. Awkwardly, Jihoon waits for Guanlin to start. But he knows that his friend is younger and, though he seems mature at times, it should be Jihoon who speaks first.

“You… uh… you dropped a bomb on me and left,” he states, hesitantly glancing at Guanlin’s reaction.

“Sorry about that,” Guanlin mumbles, and lowers his head in shame.

“It’s okay.” Jihoon rubs his hands over his pants and takes a deep breath. “Well… you’ve already confessed. But I have to be honest with you. I haven’t thought about you romantically. I haven’t thought about dating you.”

 _You’ll be the first one to break his heart._ Woojin’s voice interrupts his thoughts.

“I understand, hyung.” Guanlin takes a step back.

“I… I’ve never been interested in guys. That’s the thing.” Jihoon gives him a sympathetic smile, lifting his shoulder.

“Me neither,” Guanlin says. “Until I met you,” he adds in a whisper.

“Guanlin-ah, I don’t wanna lose you as a friend…” Guanlin visibly winces, expecting the worst words from Jihoon. “You can take me out on a date if you want.” Guanlin’s head snaps to stare in shock at Jihoon, who simply smiles. “It’s just a date. If it doesn’t work, if my feelings don’t change, we can still stay as friends, ok?”

Guanlin nods eagerly. The pink of his ears has spread to his cheeks too, making him look even more endearing. Jihoon cares too much about Guanlin; it would be too hard to lose him.

“Thank you, hyung.”

“Take me out on a date. Plan it. Woo me.” Jihoon reaches out with his hand and, when Guanlin doesn’t flinch, he pats his shoulder softly. He can see the adoration in Guanlin’s eyes. Although it does feed his own ego, it mostly melts his heart to see Guanlin smiling at him again.

 

 

 

Guanlin comes to his house on Saturday only a few minutes late from the time he told Jihoon he’d come by. As his parents aren’t home (luckily), Jihoon is the one to open the door. There stands Guanlin, dressed stylishly as always, with dark jeans and a navy coat. It makes him look taller and makes Jihoon feel shorter.

“You look good, hyung.” Guanlin gives him a lopsided grin that’s very typical of him.

Jihoon feels warmth on his own cheeks and lowers his head. “You too, Linie.”

“Pink suits you.” Guanlin clears his throat. “Shall we?” He offers his arm for Jihoon to link his, like a gentleman. Jihoon stares at him judging him. “At least give me your hand, hyung,” he whines.

Giggling, Jihoon takes Guanlin’s clammy hand in his. “Where to?”

Jihoon may not be interested in Guanlin the same way his friend is. But the least he can do is enjoy a Saturday out of his home and in good company.

“Your hand is cold.” Guanlin says before lifting his arm and warming up their linked hands.

“Minus 1.” Jihoon says, pretending his heart didn’t react to the soft gesture. “You’ll get points deducted.”

Guanlin adds a pout to his whining, and Jihoon laughs more openly, giving the point back in his mind.

The date goes well, if Guanlin’s smile is anything to go by. It’s just a coffee date where Jihoon drinks tea and Guanlin drinks a latte; they share red velvet cake. And Guanlin’s eyes shine when they talk about things they normally would. It feels like any other of their outings. Jihoon feels comfortable, even if Guanlin’s stare seems a little more intense at times. It reminds him of when Guanlin plays basketball with his team.

It takes a turn when Guanlin takes Jihoon around the park on the way back home. It’s the small one where they used to play when they were kids. Guanlin leads him to the playground, no longer filled with sand. The ground is covered in colorful rubber and the games are all made of plastic. The playground has changed a lot in the last few years. Jihoon only notices it now.

“This is where we met, hyung,” Guanlin says quietly, shyly.

“Yeah, when I was taller than you ‒ how did you get so tall, brat?” He pouts. “And I was chubbier than I am now.” Jihoon nods as the memories come back. He walks to the stairs that go up to the slide, where he sits.

“You’re still as cute as you were, now.” There’s still daylight that lets Jihoon see the color on Guanlin’s cheeks. His friend stands right in front of him.

“But never as cute as you,” he jokes.

Guanlin whines. “Anyways… Hyung, we used to play a lot here. And I... “ He rubs his hands nervously. It makes Jihoon want to take them in his and make him relax, but he decides against it, knowing that it might not help this time. “Somewhere along the way, when we started coming less often, I realized that my feelings for you went deeper than a friendship.”

Jihoon gapes. “But… but that means… it’s been years since we stopped playing here.”

Maybe Woojin was right and Guanlin has been in love with him for years. Maybe Guanlin is downplaying his own feelings to not scare Jihoon.

“Yeah... “ Guanlin rubs his nape, looking down at the floor. “Well… I’ve had a crush on you since forever.”

Jihoon feels like the most oblivious idiot. He should have noticed the way his best friend felt. “I’m sorry… for not seeing it.”

“It’s okay, hyung. I‒ I hid it well.” Guanlin’s smiles have always been a bit shy.

“Why did you hide it?” Jihoon stands up and steps closer.

Nervously, Guanlin takes a step back. “I was scared of losing our friendship.”

“Well, I can promise you that. We’ll still be friends.” Jihoon sighs, staring down at their feet. “I can’t promise that I’ll lo‒ like you in the same way you like me. But I’ll still be your friend.”

No matter how confused Guanlin has made him feel, Jihoon needs to differentiate his feelings. The date was great. But it still felt like any other day for Jihoon, save for Guanlin dressing better and looking more nervous. All in all, Guanlin is his friend.

“I’ll always be here for you and care for you.” Jihoon places his hand on Guanlin’s shoulder. The younger flinches, as if getting ready for a heartbreak. That’s what it is, and Jihoon wants it to be the least painful as possible. “But… I don’t feel… How can I explain it?” Jihoon pulls his hand back in frustration.

“I get it, hyung.” Then, Guanlin lifts his head. There’s the kicked puppy look.

Jihoon brings him down for a hug, standing on his tiptoes to reach Guanlin’s shoulder. His friends hands lay on his back. “I’m sorry. I really am. I wish I could… feel the same.”

Guanlin chuckles. “I’ll hold on to your promise. That you won’t leave me, okay?”

Jihoon nods into his shoulder.

“Let me walk you home, hyung. The date should end well,” Guanlin tells him, stepping back from the hug.

“Thank you. It was a lovely date. One day, you’ll woo someone.” Jihoon smiles at him. 

Guanlin’s eyes are shiny with unshed tears, that Jihoon wants to wipe before they’re even falling.

Jihoon has hope that Guanlin will be able to move on from this. Maybe in the future, Guanlin will meet someone new. Perhaps this situation will be a way for him to close a door and open another one. Jisung’s words play in the back of Jihoon’s mind, making wondering how Guanlin is feeling right now.

But when Guanlin smiles as they stop in front of Jihoon’s house, Jihoon knows that he’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/caterplina).


End file.
